International Friendship Day

Today is national friendship day, and whilst I’ve been spending time telling my amazing friends how much I appreciate them I have also been reflecting on where I once was in terms of friendships and how it really affected my mental health and self esteem.

Before starting university I had a few friends from school, my wonderful sister who is also my best friend, and some close friends who I’d met within the past few years. But most of my friends had gone off to university (I was in a full time job 2 years after college) or they had boyfriends who they spent most of their time with (which isn’t a bad thing, I still got to see them!!). I felt pretty lonely sometimes, especially when it felt like everyone else had a solid group of friends behind them and the friends I did have were all spread over the country building new friendships.

Now I’m not throwing a pity party here, I’m writing this as I want to explain how things can change in a few years’ time. When I was in high school around the age of 13, I remember sitting in the canteen on the last day of term before we all broke up for Christmas. Everyone around me seemed to be exchanging cards, secret santa gifts and singing along to Christmas music. I was on my own; I didn’t belong in any sort of solid friendship group. I dotted myself about and despite being friendly with everyone I didn’t particularly have anyone to sit with or call my own. I don’t think I have ever felt that lonely and desperately vulnerable since. I cried to the head of year, telling her how I just didn’t fit in anywhere. I always felt different, I was picked on for several things and was made to feel like I didn’t belong anywhere.

My self-esteem at this point had hit an all time low. I ended up leaving my school and being transferred to a smaller one that was specialised for teenagers with mental health problems. It was even harder to make friends there, so eventually I plucked up the courage to go back to mainstream school. Thankfully, whilst studying for my GCSE’s I formed a friendship group with people I am still close to today.

College was even worse however. I went to a different sixth form to everyone at my school in an attempt to make a fresh start, but due to the college being connected to a school everyone already knew each other. So again, I ate my lunch on my own, I spent my free periods on my own, I walked home on my own. Everyone around me had what appeared to be perfect friendship groups and I still felt like the odd one out.

There have been points where I have genuinely thought there is something wrong with me. Am I horrible towards people without realizing? Is there something about the way I present myself? Am I literally destined to be alone forever? … Obviously that’s not the case, as I have found out for myself that I actually get along with a lot of people. I make the effort to involve people, I treat others kindly, I am also unapologetically myself.

If you are someone who is struggling with friendships at the moment, my advice to you is to continue to be true to yourself. You will eventually attract people of a similar nature to yourself as time goes on. People will appear when you least expect it and you will form some of the best friendships you will ever have. So what if you slip up in the meantime? Not all friendships are meant to last forever either.

Since being at university I have truly felt that I am surrounded by some of the kindest, most supportive people I have ever met. I feel like I can be myself around them, and even though I still get social anxiety from time to time I refuse to let that get the better of me and I continue to put myself out there. Sometimes all it takes is a quick ‘hello’ and eventually you find some common ground, and before you know it you have met all of these amazing people you can now call your friends.

If I can say one thing it’s that friendships often appear in the most unexpected places, and if you haven’t found your tribe yet then please just wait. It will come to you, and you won’t feel alone forever.

A x