Surviving University: a message from a third year.

It’s 2:43 on a Thursday afternoon and I am in bed recovering from a panic attack earlier in the day. This panic attack was triggered by the stress of handing in a uni assignment, 40 minutes before the deadline. Whilst I am certain it is correct and I haven’t missed anything out, the anxiety in me can’t help but worry. Yes, I should probably do my work weeks or even months in advance, however, I have always believed I work best under pressure and have never suffered academically.

I know, I am my own worst enemy. But this is really just a fraction of the stress that third year brings.

Now this article isn’t particularly remarkable in any kind. It isn’t a sob story, and it certainly isn’t a cry for help. It is merely something that I feel I need to do, almost like a form of therapy to vent and understand my own mind.

As a 24-year-old woman, soon to be graduating from university, I am naturally putting pressure on myself. I am trying to find some money just to stay in the city that I now call home, all the whilst maintaining my creative and independent lifestyle that I have shaped over the past 3 years.

I don’t see myself as a typical university student. Having started at 21, being classed as a mature student means that I have ‘life experience’ in comparison to those who move away straight after college. I feel like I have to catch up with my peers who are engaged, having children and buying a house, whilst I remain to lie in bed on a Thursday afternoon. All of this pressure has been making my brain hurt, my heart heavy and actually brings a mild sense of failure. Whilst I had suffered with depression in the past, which at heart was down to not following my desire of having a creative job, university has brought a whole different kind of cloud. The struggles that I have faced whilst being at university so far have related mostly to me feeling lonely (despite having friends and being introverted) and an ex-boyfriend who treated me like shit.

The issue at the moment is absolute fear of “what am I supposed to do now?!”. Walking around campus debating whether to go back into the library for a few more hours, or call it quits for the day and head home. The latter makes you feel lazy and unproductive, but is vital for your mental health.

Nobody prepares you for the stress that comes with your final year. You’re writing your dissertation (or at least attempting to), finishing other assignments, applying for jobs, or in my case considering whether or not it’s worth getting into extra debt to complete a post-graduate degree. These stresses have caused horrible panic attacks and despite nearly having a degree, I feel as though I am back to having the fear of not landing my dream job because at the age of 24 I am more worried about being comfortable financially than having a specific career path.

However, at the end of these articles there are solutions. The solution I have discovered is to just go with it. Do a job you love, even if it’s not related to your degree, defer the masters, do multiple projects, because at the end of the day, your source of income does not need to define your life. Remember you are that bitch, who despite what others thought, you got that degree, you survived your depression and you’re going to land a great career all the whilst earning enough to buy your dream Mercedes.

Thanks for reading, Amy O. x